I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
vagina is talking i cant
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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