My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize