ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
