Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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