I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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