i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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