I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
