I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
