We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Randomize
