My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
