the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
