he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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