the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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