Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
