Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
