No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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