How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
