Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
