My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
