How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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