Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
