I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
