As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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