Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We need to get me chipped asap
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
