I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's the barista slut.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
