I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
