if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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