I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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