What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
