i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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