This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
