I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
