just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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