Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
