She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
