Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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