I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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