I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
