Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
