i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
These tits shall not be calmed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
