Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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