totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
