I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
