if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont even know how to be here
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
