Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
