she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
