ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
