We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
