hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize