Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
