just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize