The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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