My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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