peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
