There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
