New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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