I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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