her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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