I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
