The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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