I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
