if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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