More tranny stories later!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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