a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
