i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
