bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
