Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Panties = found
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
