Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
