He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
