Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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