4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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