He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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