Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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