i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
