the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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