Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
