You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
