Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
