So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
