We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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