Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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