I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
