You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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