the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
