dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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