Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
