I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
