She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
