ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
