toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You made out with two different species that night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
