It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
