Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
