She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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