mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wish there were birth control emojis
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
