How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
