People in love make me want to vomit
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
