I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
